How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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