The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
