i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
