I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
