i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
