so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
