dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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