I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
