I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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