It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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