She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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