Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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