honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
