ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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