i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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