I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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