areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
