so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
