Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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