its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
