I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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