Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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