we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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