he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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