i just wanna soil my oats bro
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
