I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
