He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
