So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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