i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
