I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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