There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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