I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
