i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
