I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
