Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
