I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
