Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
