I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
