it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
