Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
