Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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