Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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