at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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