Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
