I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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