vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
