You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
