I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
