i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
