I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
