You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
