a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
