Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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