dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
