I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
