very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
