im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
