Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
