Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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