He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
