got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
