I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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